Fwd: Late Night Jokes: Mark Zuckerberg Joins JPMorgan

 


Making fun of businessmen and entrepreneurs.

These are feeds from newsmax  on what were funny in the business world.  In a difficult
situation, laughter will always be the best medicine.

Entrepreneurs, business icons do not be mad.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Newsmax.com <newsmax@reply.newsmax.com>
Date: Thu, May 24, 2012 at 3:10 AM
Subject: Late Night Jokes: Mark Zuckerberg Joins JPMorgan

Late Night Jokes from Newsmax.com Headlines (Scroll down for the latest jokes): The Tonight Show With Jay Leno Conan  Late Show With David Letterman The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson Jimmy Kimmel Live! Late Night With Jimmy Fallon The Tonight Show With Jay Leno Facebook has lost so much money that founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named an honorary board member of JPMorgan. Congratulations to former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. The city of San Francisco has named a street after her today. It's called Botox Avenue. Two new studies have found that people who snore have a higher risk of cancer. Although in most cases, the spouse will smother them with the pillow long before the cancer takes them. Bad news for CNN. They just had their lowest rating in 15 years. Their ratings are so low that today Jesse Jackson turned them down for an interview. Editor's Note: 'This Wasn't an Accident' — Experts Testify on Financial Meltdown Conan Mark Zuckerberg got married a couple of days ago. At their wedding, Zuckerberg's wife wore a dress that cost nearly $5,000. That is until the dress went public. Now it's worth $2,000. A new report suggests that Christopher Columbus may have secretly been Jewish. What tipped historians off was Columbus' diary entry where he described his journey to America as "a real schlep." Bagged salads across the country have been recalled due to contamination fears. Luckily this is America, so none of the salads were touched. God help us if something happens to our Doritos supply. Khloe Kardashian is refusing to take a paternity test to determine if she's actually a Kardashian. She said, "I think my record of fame without talent speaks for itself." Editor's Note: 4 Bodily Signs a Heart Attack is Near Late Show With David Letterman DC Comics has announced that one of their superheroes may be gay. I've got my money on Dog Groomer Man. Republicans are trying to raise money, so Mitt Romney's checking under his couch cushions. It's the 20th anniversary of Johnny Carson leaving "The Tonight Show." Here's a guy, Johnny Carson, the best ever, and he knew when to leave — unlike me. My plan is I'm going to stay here until it's sad. Remember Al Gore, the tubby vice president? He has a new girlfriend — that is unless the Supreme Court takes her away from him. Editor's Note: Exclusive: The Ronald Reagan Legacy. Watch Now. The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson The man who invented the TV remote has passed away at the age of 96. But here's what I'm wondering. Is he dead, or does someone just need to change his batteries? According to a survey, the second worst traffic is here in Los Angeles. I think traffic here actually moves pretty well. It only gets jammed up if something terrible happens, like a light drizzle. I admit that I get angry in traffic when driving to work. But it's pointless. It's much better to bottle up that anger and then unleash it when you get to work. The best way to avoid road rage is to relax. You can meditate, sing songs in your head, make a to-do list. Those are all tricks I developed while interviewing Regis Philbin. Editor's Note: Coronary Heart Disease: 5 Tips to Reduce Your Risk Jimmy Kimmel Live! One of the pioneers of TV passed away over the weekend. Eugene Polley, who invented the wireless remote control, died at the age of 96. He created the remote in 1955. Before that, if you wanted to change the channel, you had to scream at your wife in the kitchen to come and change it. Polley died doing what he loved — not getting up. Mitt Romney reminds me of the guy in the commercial that buys his wife a Lexus for Christmas with the big bow on it. There's a parking spot in the Greenwich Village area that will be priced at $1 million. I would love it if whoever buys this spot parks a 1986 Ford Taurus in it. Editor's Note: 3,981 New Millionaires Were Created Yesterday. Will You Be Next? Late Night With Jimmy Fallon While attending meetings in Chicago this week, President Obama stayed at a hotel instead of his own house. It was annoying. When he asked for a wake-up call, they just showed him the latest poll numbers. The Los Angeles Lakers were eliminated from the playoffs last night after just five games. Yeah, the Lakers fell fast — which explains their new name: the Los Angeles Facebook Stock. DC Comics announced that one of its existing superheroes will be reintroduced as gay. Or as Aquaman put it, "Why is everyone looking at me?" An 83-year-old man in the U.K. recently became the oldest living kidney donor in history — which is pretty cool unless you're the guy who just got an 83-year-old kidney. Editor's Note: Prayer Changes Your Brain in 4 Amazing Ways Editor's Notes: 'This Wasn't an Accident' — Experts Testify on Financial Meltdown 4 Bodily Signs a Heart Attack is Near Exclusive: The Ronald Reagan Legacy. Watch Now. Coronary Heart Disease: 5 Tips to Reduce Your Risk 3,981 New Millionaires Were Created Yesterday. Will You Be Next? Prayer Changes Your Brain in 4 Amazing Ways To get these jokes sent straight to your inbox, Go Here Now. This email is never sent unsolicited. You have received this Newsmax email because you subscribed to it or someone forwarded it to you. To opt out, see the links below. TO ADVERTISE For information on advertising, please contact Newsmax Advertising Sales via email. TO SUBSCRIBE If this email has been forwarded to you and you would like to sign up, please click here. Remove your email address from our list or modify your profile. We respect your right to privacy. View our policy. This email was sent by: Newsmax.com 1501 Northpoint Parkway, Suite 104 West Palm Beach, FL 33407 USA 1407892 EFF6-1